Student Teaching Internship Reflection

I'll reflect on the year by examining the "epiphany" moments that helped me get to where I'm at. Many of these will have been written about in previous blogs; when appropriate, I've provided links.

First and foremost:

I LOVE THIS:
Blogs like, "Okay Phew," "Letter Writing to Ligia," "Those Days," and "Bubbling Over" are evidence of the deep joy and excitement teaching brings me. Although many Monday mornings still find me with butterflies in my stomach, they flee as soon as I turn the corner in front of the school and see my students milling around in front of the building. I love my students, and I love this job. I've also realized this year that I'm good at it; the students respond to my lessons and have told me repeatedly that I make learning fun, that I make it interesting. They know I care about them, which I deeply, truly do. I've realized-- and have been told by my mentor and other observing teachers-- that classroom management is a strong point for me. I know when to be serious and draw hard lines, I know when a joking reprimand is sufficient, I know when to call a kid out in the hallway for a serious conversation, I know how to use humor, and I know how to show my kids that I expect them to respect me because I respect them; that I expect them to be kind to others because I am kind to them. Although I know there's still room for improvement in this area-- especially as I continue to solidify the "I am the TEACHER" line, I believe that this is going to be an area that I can call a strength. I do feel meant to do this. I feel called to be a teacher, and this year has been confirmation that this will be a fulfilling, enjoyable life calling-- one that blends my passions with my capabilities. I do LOVE this.

I Need to QTIP:
An acronym for, "Quit Taking it Personally." The phrase was provided to me by another new teacher my first week of school; though I've yet to take it fully to heart, as evidenced by this post written in April, this is a principle I know I need to continue to internalize. When the 3rd period students turned into hellions this last Wednesday for example, it wasn't about me; it was more likely because our classroom was almost 90 degrees. Or because the novelty of being taught by a student intern is finally wearing off, and they're finally in the mood to test me. Or because several of the kids were just in grumpy moods. The same lesson went well for the other three language arts periods, and Viola has consistently said that my classroom management skills are one of my top strengths as a teacher. Still, when kids were saying blatantly rude things... it was hard not to take it personally. However, if I'm going to survive as a teacher and avoid burn-out, I need to make sure I'm keeping the "Q" portion of the "QTIP."

Small Victories Are Victories:
Especially when working with students who aren't on the AP track, or the Ivy League route, or who have absent parental support, the small victories with these kids are a big deal. This doesn't mean that I don't hold my kids to high standards, because they're expected to achieve big victories as well. However, for some of these kids, certain moments that may have seemed insignificant on paper have been truly momentous from a psychological or emotional stand-point, and ones that I can take great joy from.

One-on-Ones Work:
Kids don't like being "managed," i.e. disciplined in front of their peers. It's humiliating, and they'll almost always try to lash out to save face. However, get them out in the hallway, talk to them like a real person, start off on a gentle note, and they're usually completely reasonable. I've enjoyed the one-on-one chats this year because, not only have them helped me effectively manage difficult students, but they've also helped me build very real relationships with my kids. Next year, I definitely intend to continue handling the more difficult moments or issues with a hallway chat.

It Works to Be Myself:
I truly care about these kids. I think in metaphors frequently. I was a theatre major in college and have a substantial dance back-ground. I play guitar and write songs. I am genuinely interested in what my students have to say. All these very authentic aspects of myself have led to-- surprise-- some of my most effective instruction, and have been instrumental in building strong relationships with my students. Additionally, it's much less exhausting if I'm teaching as MYSELF than if I'm trying to project a different persona.

With that said however...

It Also Works to Be the Teacher:
There was a moment this year when I complimented one of my third period girls on her outfit. I remember her giving me a look that said, "Weird..." and then she shook her hair out of her face and sat down at her desk. I remember thinking in that moment, "I didn't respect teachers in high-school that tried to be like me, or that tried to be my 'friend.' I respected teachers that KNEW what they were talking about, that showed me respect, and that clearly had control as the TEACHER." That realization was what transitioned me from trying to be these students' "buddy," to being, truly, their teacher. It's also when my classroom management stepped up a serious notch; I became much more comfortable drawing hard lines when necessary. This lesson was further reinforced by a field trip to Bellingham. Although it's been a journey getting to the point of having a clearly established LINE with my students, I feel like I'm there.

Sometimes Hard Lessons are Important Lessons: I still struggle sometimes with letting kids learn the hard way. If a failing student comes to me with an extremely late essay, for example, I'll typically accept it for reduced credit, even if the kids have been told essays won't be accepted past a certain date. "But he DID the essay...!" I'll think to myself, and inevitably I'll give the student some points. Perhaps responding this way teaches its own kind of lesson; perhaps students that have felt discouraged and incompetent for always failing will get a much needed boost of encouragement that may lead them to more motivated efforts in the future. However, a big part of me feels that kids need to learn the lessons of the "real world"-- that, if they miss a dead-line, there are very real consequences. Part of establishing myself as that TEACHER is proving myself to be consistent. This is still a growing edge for me, but one I'm certainly working on.

And finally:

I've Been Blessed With a Great Mentor:
A reflection on this year wouldn't be complete without expressing just how much I have been helped, impacted, and guided by my mentor, Viola. Viola, as Matt my SPU Supervisor put it, has been like a great parent: she scolded when she needed to and provided necessary correction, but also provided consistent encouragement and affirmation when it was deserved. Viola has forced me to acknowledge difficult lessons that I needed to learn, yet has also helped me through discouraging days. I have learned to trust her judgment with these kids, and it's been so incredibly helpful to have her to confer with about students or lessons, especially as I've moved into teaching full time. She's been so FUN to work with, and even taught me the nitty-gritties of grammar. :) I'm not sure how I'll thank her sufficiently when the year ends, but she deserves every bit of what I come up with. What a blessing to have worked with such a competent teacher and advisor!