Run-Ons, Fragments, and Footsie

This blog is a deviation from paper grading. I've managed to get two done in the last two hours. Guys... they're SO bad. I mean, I know these kids are still learning to write, so that's fine-- but correcting them is just this insurMOUNTable task. No really-- look at this one climactic "sentence":

"then he found his mother she had a sword through her stomach but she was still alive but barly Nicky asked her "why am i able to kill a demon" she replied and said "because you are half human half demon, and your father is a demon and he lives in the castle in the sky in the outer rulem, Nicky you need to find him to learn to use your powers for good to get the villages crystal back."

That's fine to tackle as a sentence-- but papers and papers of this? I just took a look at my third paper-- "As I was boring in my room I thought about this news that I just got from my mom. It's really annoying me I cant sleep and even think about some think else." ...And I couldn't handle another one. That's only my THIRD! I'm going to need to figure out some method of tackling these that doesn't take 45 minutes apiece. Viola told me to use a timer. "No more than 15 minutes! Focus on SPEED for now! You'll burn yourself out if you take 45 minutes each." New on the grocery list: a stop watch, a red pen, and Advil for the pain of banging my head against the table.

The good news is: I'm sick. So I'll have all day tomorrow to groan over them while I drink hot tea in my sweats.

Other news from the classroom. Remember Isaac? Of the hostering the gun? Did I mention that he and his little gal pal shamelessly play footsie all through class? They sit at the front table, and I typically sit in a chair just a few feet in front of them. Now... THEY can't see underneath their desks, so maybe they assume that nobody else can, but my chair gives me PRIME spectator viewing. Today I watched the whole drama unfold: Gal Pal sneaks over her feet to Isaac's. Isaac enjoys it briefly then catches my evil eye and tries to discreetly withdraw his feet. Gal Pal sinks further beneath her desk to reach Isaac's slightly withdrawn feet. Gal Pal totally is rubbing Isaac's leg up and down! I walk over and whisper to Gal Pal, "Please sit up, Grace." Gal Pal withdraws her feet. Isaac is now lonely and creeps his feet back towards Gal Pal. More footsie-ing occurs. Finally, the big guy at the end of the table pushes his legs forward in between the two. THANK YOU JAMES.

After class, I pulled Gal Pal over first and had her sit in my chair. "Do you see what a great view I have of what goes on underneath the desks? ...If it's this distracting for me, I have to imagine it's distracting for the two of you. Let's maybe try to keep that to a minimum, yeah?" Then pulled Isaac over and told him the same thing.
"I feel like we've had this conversation before," he said. "I'm totally having deja vu right now."
"Probably because we HAVE had this conversation before," I retorted.

Oh-- and did I mention that Gal Pal has a boyfriend?? Who is NOT her footsie friend? Scandalous.

Doctors have soap opera dramas. So do lawyers and politicians. For goodness sakes, the most amazing show on television turns the mundane events of a paper distribution company into side-splitting hilarity. So where is the big drama around teachers and their students? I'm feeling like some Hollywood producer is missing out on some AMAZING comedic/dramatic potential by not harvesting the daily events of our kind...